I've asked the question of many writers: why do you write? The most common answer boils down to "I just have to; I've always felt that way". In other words it's a form of madness. An obsession.
When I told my boss that I wanted to leave a lucrative corporate job so I could write, he thought I was having a nervous breakdown. He couldn't believe any sane person would accept such a dismal risk-reward equation. The HR supremo, who was sitting in on the discussion (it was during my annual review), sensibly pointed out that corporate warriors might never reach the giddy heights available to entrepreneurs, but they don't risk falling into an abyss either. They're cushioned. Usually in a rats' nest of politics and self-delusion, but a cushy rat's nest. Then Mister HR asked a question that surprised me: "Are you running away from this world or running towards another?" After consideration, I had to admit it was a bit of both, so I agreed to stay on another year. I wanted to make sure my motivation was entirely positive.
I was so affected by this distinction between running away and towards, that I adopted it as the core idea of the novel I have now almost finished writing. At least I thought so until CJS (are you still out there?) started me thinking about why writers devote themselves to particular stories (see comment on "So you don't like Heathcliff?" post).
The idea for my book came in one big hit. A long time ago, I answered a dodgy job ad. An American film producer was looking for a PA and I wanted a fast track for my (then) screen-writing ambitions. In those days I was blissfully bohemian and therefore an object of fascination for many of the rich, powerful men I encountered professionally. The less impressed I was by their drive and status, the more intrigued they were. So my interview with the producer turned into a bizarre butterfly chase. The project was a biopic of one of my favourite writers and the money, travel and glamour made my mouth water. With all the wit and charm I could muster, I made my pitch for the job. It wasn't easy. The producer was smooth and sharp and a master of mind games. But I flitted around the ring like Muhammad Ali and he eventually said the job was mine if I stayed the night. By this stage, however, I realised I'd have to be Girl Friday 24/7 to Svengali himself. Although I told him I'd have to think about it and he gave me until noon the next day to make up my mind, I'd already decided I didn't want to trade freedom and self-respect for the Hollywood goodies he was offering.
To my astonishment, though, not one of my (then) girlfriends understood my decision. And years later, seeing fame-lust sweep across the world, I wondered what sort of woman would have taken the deal, and why, and then what would have transpired. There's a lot of me in the central character, Chloe, but much that's different too. Otherwise she wouldn't have come to a different decision. Nevertheless, the more I got into imagining this Sliding Doors scenario, the more I felt that Chloe's emotional story would resemble my own, even if the circumstances differed.
Have I written this story to show I made the right decision refusing Hollywood? Or at least that I didn't make a wrong decision? It's an interesting point, CJS. I've grown as a person writing this book. It's been a painful experience at times. Fun other times. But I just had to do it.
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Am I still here? Yes but I was beginning to think you weren’t.
ReplyDeleteEnough of this splitting ginger hairs. I’m still waiting to hear about your novel and the process of writing and publishing.
My own novel writing took a short hiatus to also write an autobiographical story. In my case I had a mid life love affair. In the end I was dumped and spent the next year having imaginary conversations with the dumper. In one of these I reversed the sex roles to explain what it would be like if the shoe was on the other foot. Eventually I turned this piece of make believe into a short story. I even submitted it to the Age Short Story Competition where it failed to make the top thirty. There is a degree to which each of us is everyman and so our personal stories can have universal appeal. Then again maybe I wrote self indulgent rubbish.
I am fortunate that my real novel has no autobiographical content. It is a story that has been with me half my life and is a retelling of a historical event. I chose a narrator who was a minor player; a Dr Watson to describe my Sherlock Holmes. Because she was not a main player I was able to describe her without projecting myself.
You quit your job to write? Obviously you no longer support your kids. Some of mine are still at home. How long ago was your encounter with Svengali? And you girlfriends couldn’t understand your decision!!!???? They amaze me.
Any why do we do it when a successful Australian novel might sell 5,000 copies and the author might get $3 a copy. You answered that for me. We lust for fame, and there is an idea to explore in a future novel.
You must tell me how you intend reaching a publisher. Do you have connections or are you like me and starting from nothing?
CJS
Physician heal thyself ...
ReplyDeleteOMG, I just realised I’ve done the same thing as you.
It was easy for me to match the profile on your blog with the wild red headed Goth and see two faces of one soul. I reflected that I’d done the same in one of my short stories but claimed my opus magus was a pure work that explored an idea and was untainted by reflections of my inner self.
However until you pointed your “Sliding Doors” I had no idea that your novel is also about a life choice you made. Now I realised that like you I have been working out an experience of my youth. There are historical events that influenced my youth and I have spent half a lifetime coming to an understanding of these. My novel is a presentation of my conclusions and so just as with you, what I have written an outworking of events in my life.
CJS
Aha! Guess we wouldn't put so much effort into our work unless there was some personal skin in it. As for the publishing quest, I've done a lot of prep (going to seminars, reading blogs, talking to writer friends, paying for reader assessments etc) and have made a few approaches (agents and comps). An agent from Curtis Brown gave me some very helpful, albeit ego-confronting feedback which prompted me to do a major re-write. She invited me to resubmit if I reshaped as suggested, so I intend to do that early in the NY. If that doesn't get me anywhere, I will start pitching to US agents. I've chosen to believe what I keep hearing from industry people: if the work is good enough and the writer persistent enough, then something will click one day. Luck plays a big part though too.
ReplyDeleteYou are further into the process than I realised. I have just sent off for my first reader assesment and aside from the Friday Pitch have not yet approached anyone. Given the similar state of our progress it would be great to hear the steps you've taken and what you've learned from the seminars and writer friends. We may be able to assist each other in this way. At the least it would give you some material for a future blog.
ReplyDeleteCJS